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Senin, 30 Desember 2019

Pikiran negatif yang 'katanya' distorsi kognitif ini ternyata masih saja tinggal didalam kepala. Hal buruk yang kupikir sudah bisa kuatasi di tahun 2018, nyatanya kembali lagi. Mereka ini, entah kemarin memang sudah hilang, atau hanya sekedar bersembunyi di sela-sela ingatan. Lalu dengan kurang ajarnya, muncul lagi ke permukaan. Mendominasi pikiranku dengan mudahnya. Menghantuiku dengan kekuatannya. Membuatku bertanya-tanya, “Mengapa ini bisa terjadi lagi?”. Lalu dengan bodohnya, menyalahkan Yang Kuasa.

Awal tahun 2019, mereka kembali. Menyerangku seperti dulu. Bahkan ketika aku sudah banyak mengetahui alasan dan solusinya, mereka tetap tak bisa dicegah. Walaupun masih bisa kuatasi di beberapa situasi, mereka tetap berhasil membuatku merasakan hal yang sebelumnya tak pernah kurasakan, melakukan hal buruk yang sebelumnya tak pernah kulakukan.

Tahun 2020, aku hanya ingin mereka tak membuatku semakin buruk. Kalau memang mereka tak mau melepaskanku, setidaknya, jangan persulit aku. “Hei, aku membenci kalian, distorsi kognitif. Umurku sudah 22. Kau tak berhak mengganggu kehidupanku yang sudah seharusnya melangkah lebih maju ini. Jadi, biarkan aku mengendalikanmu”.
Continue reading Senin, 30 Desember 2019

BTS' Poems (English)

BTS' Poems @run BTS! Ep. 56
Aired on V LIVE, July 24th 2018


GOLD
By Jeon Jungkook

When my mother had me, she dreamed about golden rain
Wherever the rain goes, things turn into gold
I could not do anything
I met you in the golden time
I find myself starting to shine
At first I was gold
I looked around after a while
Everything around me turned into gold
I don't want to lose this priceless light


IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL
By Kim Taehyung

It's not a big deal, Seokjin
Don't be sad when you make a mistake while dancing
It's no big deal
You just don't have to make the same mistake
Cheer up, cheer up
Namjoon, don't panic after blowing a kiss
It's no big deal
Your blowing kiss makes a lot of army's hearts flutter
Pound, pound
Yoongi, you want to be a stone in your next life
Don't worry
It's not a big deal
I'll bring you to a lot of beautiful places
Stone, stone
Hoseok, you give us a scary look when we make a mistake on stage
Don't do that
It's no big deal
A slip of a wise man, everybody makes mistakes
Understand it with a warm smile
Bboing, bboing
Jimin, because of a diet and singing out of tune, or making a mistake on stage, don't be stressed out
It's no big deal
No matter you do on stage, it won't change the fact that you're the coolest performer I've ever seen
Gasp, gasp
Jungkook, stop exercising to tease us more
Iy's no big deal
The more you act cute, the cuter you look. You're not cute anymore
Coachie, coachie


TO BE TOGETHER 
By Park Jimin

To be together is very hard
To meet a stranger, to meet different people
I come to think if I make a mistake or what is wrong with that person
To be together is hard
But without them, I feel empty
When I'm happy, sad, or want to be comforted, they come to my mind to my surprise
Those who were with me are with me know as 'us' which I feel so grateful for
We became to share small things
I hope they stay healthy
Again today, we are together as night sets in
I think that is what being together is like


I GIYEOK
By Kim Namjoon

I remember
Taehyung's half buzz cut
Jungkook's Bambi eyes and stonewash skinny jeans
Hoseok's gray padded jacket
Yoongi's blue sweatpants
When Seokjin wasn't into dad jokes
Jimin's chubby body
I remember
Our Han River, our bikes, our Gxxx v necks, our Gxxx chino shorts, our showcase, our bulgogi, our chairs in the waiting room, and our blood sweat and tears
All those memories are in the corner of the drawer in my head
All those memories are like 'giyeok', the first Korean alphabet consonant
My precious first
So again today, 'I giyeok' memories


SEED (Mr.) 
By Jung Hoseok

Mr. Namjoon, Mr. Seokjin, Mr. Yoongi,  Mr. Jimin, Mr. Taehyung, Mr. Jungkook, and Mr. Hoseok
These seeds became beautiful flowers
They bring beauty to someone
They bring joy to someone
They bring the scent of memories to someone
Mr. Namjoon, Mr. Seokjin, Mr. Yoongi,  Mr. Jimin, Mr. Taehyung, Mr. Jungkook, and Mr. Hoseok
Bloom like a rose, flutter like a cherry blossom
Fall-like morning glory, like a morning glory
Just like a beautiful moment
Let's stick together
I love you
Saranghae


WHAT A RELIEF
By Min Yoongi


It's already been 5 years since we debuted
Just the boys with many dreams
We had nothing, but we have many things now
We were only dreaming, but we became a dream of someone
Life is full of choices and regrets
I'm scared, and so we are
We dreamed about flying high up in the sky
But it's too high and cold
It's hard to catch our breath
The Brighter the light on us, the darker the shadow
What a relief that we have 7 members
What a relief that we have each other


RUN BTS!
By Kim Seokjin

We worked around the clock
Run BTS! and BTS alike
Everything in the world gets tired
I want to hope that this is not the moment
I wanted to go with the flow
But I realize I'm a man who lives fiercely
We were always happy and achieved anything we want together
But we can't go against nature
Looking at myself growing older, I look back on out dance
I'm so tired
Mr. Seongduk, so many dance moves are too difficult, I trust you
Namjoon, let's go for it


Note:
'Seed' is the pronounciation of 'Mr' in Korean Language.
Continue reading BTS' Poems (English)

Senin, 9 Desember 2019

Aneh rasanya waktu beliau bilang bahwa semuanya berawal dari pikiran. Karena setiap kali mendapat situasi itu, rasanya jantungku berdetak sangat cepat tanpa otak sempat menangkap apa yang terjadi.

Dan yang lebih buruk adalah, ketika aku sudah lupa bagaimana rasanya cemas yang biasa kualami setelah cemas berlebihan yang kurasakan akhir-akhir ini.

Cemas berlebihan? 
Hei, bukankah ini sudah sembuh?

Continue reading Senin, 9 Desember 2019

Pura-pura Bahagia

Hari ini pikiran mendadak memunculkan kata-kata yang pernah terekam dalam memori, 
"Ternyata pura-pura bahagia itu melelahkan."

Tapi, bukankah lebih baik kata-kata itu diubah menjadi,
"Ternyata pura-pura bahagia itu cukup menyenangkan.", huh?

Lalu, kau akan bertanya, 
"Bagaimana bisa kau mengatakan itu?"

Maka, aku juga akan bertanya, 
"Bagaimana caramu berpura-pura bahagia?"

Continue reading Pura-pura Bahagia